The Impossible Crush
Written by gryphon on August 16, 2008 – 5:45 am -(I posted some of this as a bulletin but I’ve modified it and am posting it here because I think it’s more appropriately posted as a blog…)
Most of us have been there before: The Impossible Crush.
I define this as having an intense desire for somebody that we simply cannot be with. For whatever reason (and the reasons vary tremendously!) you know that anything more than friendship with her (or him) will never be. The feelings that come along with the crush are thrilling and terrifying… and unbearably frustrating at times, too:
Your heart pounds hard and fast when you think of her/him or see her/him.
You feel tongue-tied when you’re with her/him (even though you are oh-so-clever and smooth in the imaginary encounter you have with your crush).
You generally have a one-track mind focused on anything about the object of your crush… you become distracted by thoughts of our crush at the most inconvenient times (Nothing like being unable to take your mind or eyes off of her/his sexy tanned, toned arms or gorgeous eyes or smile during a meeting/conversation that you should really be paying more attention to. “I’m sorry, I missed what you just said there. I was too busy fantasizing/daydreaming/checking out your…”).
Perhaps your stomach even does flip-flops when you are around her/him. Whenever this happens, I am reminded of the fact that some of the ancients did not consider the Heart to be the vessel of one’s emotions: In fact, Hebrew literature uses imagery of the guts or bowels as the seat of our emotions. When negative (or very powerfully positive!!) emotions bring you butterflies in your stomach, you begin to appreciate the apparent wisdom of our ancestors…
Now, some of us have been lucky enough to have a friend or two to confide in about the crush. Others of us have had (at least at some points) to keep tight-lipped. Once again, just as the reasons why one cannot pursue or be with one’s crush vary tremendously, so do the reasons why one might not be able to confide in anyone about the crush. The one reason that comes to mind most quickly is that if the crush is another female then one must have bi-friendly friends that they are comfortable talking to about such matters. Another reason is that perhaps the crush object is a colleague or supervisor- and it’s just too risky to mention the crush to anyone in case word leaks out about it and puts your career in jeopardy. Or perhaps we stay tight-lipped because we know that nothing will ever come of the Impossible Crush, so we don’t want to bother dragging anyone else into our frustrated little mindspace.
What is it about your crush that drives you so wild? How does she/he make you feel about yourself? How have you dealt with your Impossible Crushes? Who have you confided in?
What has helped get you past the heart-pounding, stomach-flipping stage to a point where you can just release the crush/desire and surrender to enjoying whatever presence they have in your life “as is”, not as you might otherwise want? Have you ever actually pursued an Impossible Crush - if so, how did that turn out?
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I have two,there I said it!! Man and woman,the guy has been a friend of the family since my little bro was in kindergarten,we used to play house,and I mean,play!! Now he has a gf,his ex-wife and I became friends years ago,so hands off till they were divorced,but now,he and I made the decision for me to be his call girl. Wow,how fun.Every time he walks in my insides jump around like a mexican jumping bean!!! I think he knows it too,but I cant be sure!!
As for the woman,shes a tall, redheaded, skinny,blue eyed lesbian,and we started something this spring that I havent been able to finish,every time I see her my eyes light up and my inner systems calls her name!!
They both know Im attracted to them,but there is just something keeping them from commitment to me. Someday I hope to find her (the gal of my dreams)and when I do That’ll be a special day!!!
Wow - two! One is bad enough for me - I can’t even begin to understand how you can survive two crushes…
In any case, it sounds like your life is far from boring these days, Simba