Sex Takes Too Long!
Written by evokateur on July 15, 2008 – 1:18 pm -“I want an orgasm every day.”
My boyfriend’s eyes widened, as if I had made a completely unreasonable request. We were discussing how much sex was enough. He said, “I don’t think I could have sex every day.”
In our culture, there seems to be relatively little middle ground for sex. It’s either missionary position in the dark once a month, or it’s 3 times a day. We’re considered prudes, Puritanical, and frigid if we don’t want it all the time. And if we do want it all the time, we’re slutty and sex-crazed. Or what if we’re just those normal in-the-middle people who don’t mind having sex a lot but know that life, jobs, children, etc. get in the way sometimes?
Does scheduling sex make it less romantic and more of a command performance? Or what if you have a routine, every monday wednesday and friday is sex night. Does that make it boring? When you’re in love, it’s easy to make time to make love. But what happens when you settle down and the mundanity of life starts kicking you, and you’ve got appointments and laundry and have to be up early? How do you make time without feeling as if you planned it?
It seems impossible. With the time conscious nature of our society, we’re always going to have one eye on the clock.
Here’s my scheduling techniques to make sex not another item on your to do list after grocery shopping and before vacuuming.
1. Don’t make time for “sex”, make time for your partner.
Set aside some time to just spend with your partner. Go out on a date. Make a special dinner. Share a bath. The point is not doing what you’re doing: bathing, dining, etc. The point is doing it with the other person. Keep that in mind. Don’t ever talk about your to-do lists. When people live together they tend to talk at them in terms of what needs doing around the house, and what they’re going to do, and what the other person needs to do. This is functional, informative conversation. When you talk about how your day was, or that trip you want to take, or about your dreams (most adults think they’re too old to have aspirations still, like they need to be LIVING them already)… that is what fosters intimacy. Intimacy increases your desire to have sex.
2. Make sex one of your hobbies.
If you have a lot going on, like me… balancing a partner, a job, school, and all your hobbies (like jewelry making) is a hard thing to do. If you spend hours every night playing games or watching TV, or making jewelry, remember that sex is a great hobby (makes you happy *and* burns calories).
3. Say yes to quickies.
I don’t like being late, or sometimes I just want to go to bed. But my boyfriend knows when to not take no for an answer. Responsibility is a good thing, but there’s a time and place to set it aside. And when your man has pinned you to the wall and is sliding your clothes off… that’s probably not the time to be bringing up all the clothes that need folding. Remember that you have important things that need doing, and those are priorities.. but sex is also important and a priority. It is not something that can be skipped over.
4. Set your own quota.
Don’t pay attention to how much sex you think the neighbors are having, or how much you had in your last relationship, or how much I’m having. Are you happy with how much -you- are getting? Are you satisfied? Each relationship is different. There are some where you can have it everyday and still want more, and you can be with someone and have it once a week and be satisfied. It all depends on you, your partner, your age, and how much you’ve got going on in your life. It’s no big deal. And remember, it’s nobody’s business but your own.
That being said, I would still love it if you ladies would share your thoughts on this. Whether you sometimes feel you’re not getting enough, or you want too much and how you cope with juggling sex and the rest of your lives.
Oh, and don’t forget:
5. Just relax.
The more you stress about sex, the less you’ll want to have it. Just let it go. Don’t worry over it. If you’re stressing, I suggest you and your partner put more foreplay into your relationship without expecting sex at the end. Touch one another as you pass them in the house. Hold hands while you’re on the couch. Make out like teenagers. Just have fun with it
<3 E
Posted in Uncategorized |
You started by saying you want an orgasm everyday.
Is that really what you want?
I sometimes feel that I want sex more than my partner, but I have realized that isn’t completely true. I want orgasms more than him. Not necessarily more sex. Orgasms and sex don’t always come together as we all know. When I want an orgasm and my man is at work or really tired from work or designing and using his mind and I don’t want to distract him from his genius. I masturbate and he does the same for me. AND we are not offended or hurt by that. We giggle at each other.
I realized that when one of us wants an orgasm and the other isn’t totally into it… the orgasm isn’t as good. There’s a sense of pressure or mental distractions. So we please ourselves and share our fantasies.
As for routines…fuck that! Lame!
Make love, fuck like rabbits, masturbate, snuggle, or have crazy good conversations as they come. We are separate individuals and cannot expect our partners to ‘fit’ into a schedule.
Yea, you make a good point. A lot of women though still see masturbation as a substitution to sex, rather than a supplement.
My boyfriend is so used to exes yelling at him for masturbating that he still feels weird about doing it while I’m around.
Wow, this blog hits so close to home. In the past few months the hubby and I have been making a effort to be like teenagers in the make out sense. We were having great sex when we were having it, but that was getting to far and few in btween. We have been working on being spontaneous. (isn’t that a oxymoron)
However things have been working, we catch each other in the kitchen doing dishes and get in a small make out session. With kids, pets, work, chores the list goes on and on we forget how important intimacy is. When the sex, and the orgasms exist, so much more is present in a relationship. As far as masturbating, that is important, for both of us as well. Like Jungle Jane said sometimes you need that orgasm, I have completely agree, thank goodness for my toys!
Wow. I’m just about to attempt “moving in with someone” again. I’m thinking I need to print out this list and all the comments and post them somewhere conspicuous. . .
there are some amazing, wonderful women on this site!