No, you can’t watch!
Written by evokateur on April 25, 2008 – 9:34 pm -I had just started dating someone, when I made a big mistake. I mentioned my ex girlfriend. You could see the wheels in his mind crashing to a grinding halt. I blushed in the silence and said, “I’m bi…..” Then I added, “But I don’t do threesomes!”
His answer, “Well then, what’s the point?”
I rarely get a negative response from a man for being openly bisexual. This response really struck me. It reminds me of another, more common response: “Can I watch?”
I don’t do threesomes, and no you can’t watch. And so, the appeal of my bisexuality is lost completely on most men.
Sometimes it’s hard being a bisexual woman. We are seen as promiscuous, attention-starved means for men to live out their fantasies of two girls at once. We are seen as dishonest and that we have it “easy” because we can “masquerade” as straight and don’t have people railing against a bisexual agenda. Yet let me tell you, when a man sees no point and no beauty in your bisexuality because it isn’t serving his own sexual needs, it can make you question the point of it all and whether bisexual women have it all that “easy”.
I’m bisexual, but that doesn’t mean I am incapable of devoting myself to one person.
I’m bisexual but that doesn’t mean I want my intimate moments with the man or woman I choose to love to be put on display for someone else.
If only he knew then how much his comment had hurt me. And how often I heard it echoed in the responses of other men.
That is part of the appeal of joining a website like Hotel Bliss. Instead of having your sexuality treated like a tool for other men, it is celebrated and enshrined for what it is by other women who have been made to feel as isolated and objectified as you, yourself, have felt at times. You are not alone and you are not an object. The beauty and openness you show by being bisexual is amazing. We need more ethical, honest, lovely bi-girls like yourselves in the world.
Tags: bisexual chic, BISEXUALITY, coming out, HOTEL BLISS
Posted in BISEXUALITY, HOTEL BLISS, SEXUAL IDENTITY, TRUE STORY |
This is why I can rarely tell male friends I am bi. If I do, they assume every party my man and I throw will turn into a sex party or they ask, “When can I join in?” As if we sleep with everyone just because I am bi! So awful. So nasty. And so very unaware.
Thank you for another excellent post. You are truly a brilliant and gifted writer.
XOXXOOOX
BLISS
Your post was to true. I am at times so ashamed to classify myself as bisexual, in part because of what people like Tila Tequila on MTV have done. To most “straight” people, in my experience, I’m like a novelty. Everyone seems to think we’re just really horny and will take what we can get. How far from the true - if they only knew the true beauty a bi-girl knows.
I dated a lesbian recently- my first girlfriend and the one who gave me my first sexual experience with a girl, even though I’ve been drawn to women my entire life… and I was very hurt by the way she, and other lesbians I met at the time, seemed to discount my bisexuality as simply a phase on the way to becoming a fullfledged lesbian… or how the gay community in general seemed to react to me being bisexual. It was to them as if I was riding the fence or invading their territory. This is very frustrating to me… and definitely hurtful.
It’s so nice to read things like this and know that I’m not alone and that other people feel the way that I do. I’m definitely so tired of men’s views of my orientation as well; expecting something like a threesome to be no big deal, or expecting me to date both guys and girls at once. People are people to me; I don’t care about gender. Isn’t that the whole point?
*sigh*
So many thoughts come to mind as I have read this post and the three comments above. I know what it is like to be misunderstood and judged; and people wonder why so many others keep parts of their sexual identity hidden. It’s startling to realize just how close-minded people can be… not that I am perfect. At least I’m admitting it and am actively seeking to become more enlightened and open-minded.
Your post and the subsequent comments highlight the need for such a place as Hotel Bliss. Each of us may “check in” to the Hotel for slightly different reasons but I’m thankful to have found this amazing community of *open-minded*, bright, lovely women!
How true all the comments on here are. “Sigh” Makes me all the more grateful for the special relationship I have with my husband. He supports me being bi and even points out girls he thinks I might be interested in. Never once has he asked to join in or even watch. As he says: ” Sure, I’d love to watch and/or join in but both of you would have to extend a platnium engraved invitation before I’d even consider it.” Since we are an extremely close couple, he does ask that he be somewhere in the vicinity, but out of sight, especially if it is the first time for me being with a new girl.
Take heart ladies, I’m sure there are other men out there with this view as well. It just takes time to find him. Heck, it took me 1 marriage and 10 years to find mine.