Needing the perspective of other Outrageous Women
Written by dirtygurrrl on May 18, 2008 – 8:34 pm -Well, since this is my first post here and most of you don’t know me very well, I’m going to tell you some background information before I ask my question.
I was married not long after college to a man named Glen. It lasted for 9 years, produced two amazing boys, and then ended horribly. For the first year after the divorce, I was pretty bitter about the whole thing. And it didn’t help that he was under the mistaken notion that I would still cater to his every whim. But we eventually ironed things out. I grew a backbone and started standing up to him and he earned a new respect for me.
At this point, we are getting along great. He’s communicative about his plans when it affects me, and we are working pretty great as a team in raising our boys. I’ve even had some great phone conversations with his fiance (who is also my son’s godmother, which is a whole other story).
I’m invited to the wedding. And I’ve said that I’ll go. I think it’s important for my sons to see that there is no bad blood there. That they don’t have to feel like they have to choose between me and their new stepmom. That this just means they have one more person they can count on who loves them wholeheartedly.
My guy is still deployed to Africa, so I’ll be going to the wedding alone. Which kinda sucks. But I’ll go, and I’ll look fabulous and smile brightly. What I want to know is. . .just how petty is it that I want to go to that wedding and outshine the bride? And the groom, for that matter. I want to steal the show. Which is why I will leave early. Cause I know it would be bitchy to steal their thunder on this special day. I know it really doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of me. I am quite positive that I’m the very best Me in the whole world. But it’s just so very important to me that I not look pathetic there alone at his wedding.
Thanks for listening
Dirty Gurrrl
Oh! And if anyone can tell me the etiquette of wedding attire I’d be grateful. Can I wear black if it’s not ALL black? What about white? And I’m just making an educated guess, but see-through tops are off limits, right? hehehe
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Maybe a little petty, but I’d probably do it too
I’m pretty sure white is off limits, I’m not sure about black. If you’re worried about being there alone (and your invitation included a guest) maybe bring a friend or something with you. (Consider bringing a super hot chick if you really want to steal the show…haha.) But don’t do anything outrageous beyond looking wonderful- be nice
random and rambling thoughts…realize as i ramble–divorced after 20 years realationship just NOW–BUT also a loyal dog and “reverand laura jane wrzesinski” throught the universalist church online and performed one wedding–had an amazing midboggling mindblowing full love joy bliss energy experience being the joy reverand–but also my marraige blew up during that event–just so you have any idea–i am spiritual and still believe in love and risk–and still love to see caring adoration and full acceptance in others and obviously am long winded–among many thoughts–but
NOW I AM FULL ON GIGGLING AND LAUGHING! okay–hee hee–fisrst a little funny story about a wedding i went to in MORMON COUNTRY back in mid 90s-super religious sectio of it too-in terms of DO THE RIGHT THING YOUNG LADY”–the family had like 5 daughters and this wedding of next too last on daddy’s abundant sweet farm and –i knew the hubby to be and his guy friends–the best man was my friend in michigan from high school–we even fucked a few times–and he even still was in my wedding (yes ex hubby knew) (getting long winded again)–the boys were all northern arizona graduates and we were coloradans then as now–anyways–
THE EX GIRLFRIEND (not not ex-wife–no children) of my buddy joe the newlywed DID get invited and DID wear the smallest black dress and WE DID all see her panties long before they were found…in joes new inlaws upright religious parents bedroom bathroom…where a line ahad formed…while she got loud and lost her panties at her ex’s wedding reception–
soooooooo–
i mean–i don’t know you–
and i don’t know what i will or might do when/if i get invited to my ex’s wedding–i kinda have diffused anger right now so it could just matter WHO he hooks up with in this small world–
BUT i figure–here is a way you can read the story and see if you see you as that notorious star–
or go to the wedding in the hottest dress and do nothing BUT that to get the attention–
or don’t go at all–why cause yourself the pain of you may stral the show–you may regret it later–but why watch his new trainwreck when you could be off having JOY IN YOUR BETTER WAY THATS ALL ABOUT YOU SWEETHEART–get out and get your bliss would be my best thought in my ramble–BUT WHAT DO I KNOW!! seriously–whatever WHATEVER you DO–will be the best thing for you right that now moment–it always is–always–thats life and “law of attraction”–xoxo whatever choice you make–wherever you go–wedding no wedding–always always choose the outfit makes you feel sexiest hottest and BEST!! xo laura jane …your joy warrior…
i got married in 1994–a girl was at my wedding married to a friend of my hubby’s–i never met her before in my life–she had had a boob job and wore a see through shirt and everyone all night called her “the twin peaks”–
more of that–for what its worth advice–
ha ha ha
xo do whatever gets your joy on and don’t listen to anyone involved ever with the word etiquette–heh hehe
It sounds like you’re handling this tricky situation maturely and that you truly are wanting to put your kids’ needs ahead of the less-than-shining (but totally understandable) human emotions that you might be feeling. Good on you!!!
As for the outfit, etc, black is very appropriate for weddings these days. In fact, most people at my wedding (this past march) were wearing black and I thought nothing of it! As long as it isn’t too revealing NOR too dowdy, you’ll look like a million bucks! Throw on seasonally-appropriate accessories to splash some colour in.
It would be best for everyone involved if people remember you for your grace and kindness at the wedding rather than your cleavage and glamour make-up (not that you would ever do that!!)
Congratulations on being a strong, independent, mother with such a big heart for her kids. I give you huge props for that!
To L.J. Joy Warrior - “twin peaks” heheheh… sadly, we had one of those at our wedding reception, too! Some guests glimpsed “the top of the mountains” when one of her tiny dress straps slipped down from her slumped, drunken shoulders.
Poor girl. She is normally such a gorgeous, classy, vibrant woman…. alcohol can be quite the devil, no?
You both are wonderful. Thanks so much. I’m thoroughly happy with my wonderful, decadent life, but something about that group of people always makes me feel so insecure.