Hotel Bliss Guest Blog

Girl Fight!

I must admit, the title of this entry may be a little misleading, but “The Lesbian at Work Who Won’t Stop Stalking Me” wasn’t a very catchy title.

I started my new job as an educational counselor one week and two days ago, where I immediately began training. There are hundreds of policies and procedures to go over, and training was scheduled to take two weeks in a classroom, followed by two weeks of hands-on training. I was surprised to see that I was the only new hire. The one and only other member of my training class was a short, heavyset blond woman with glasses who had been with the company for years. She had a permanent frown etched across her face, which was very unappealing. I didn’t immediately catch why she was going through training again. She came in a bit late on the first day and stomped–rather than walked–to her seat and plopped down. I came to discover later that this was how she walked, she wasn’t in a bad mood as I immediately assumed.

I was introduced to “Donna” and training began. Over the first two days, she proved to be mostly withdrawn, although she offered some good points periodically, which I made sure to pay attention to, since she claimed to have been a counselor before. This was my first red flag. I began to ponder why, if she was such an efficient counselor, was she required to go through training again. I shrugged it off and figured it was no business of mine.

As training progressed, she became more animated, and I began to open up and let my bubbly, cynical and sometimes outrageous personality shine through, especially after my training supervisor, Kali, informed me that one of the main reasons I had been hired was because of my “incredible, personable” personality. “That was their first mistake,” I thought, laughing to myself.

Nevertheless, as I began to joke around in class, Donna started talking more in general. She and Kali had a working relationship, and Donna seemed less hesitant to share bits of office gossip in front of me. When it was time to take a break, she and Kali would smoke, and for lack of anything better to do, I listened to them share stories. As the breaks progressed throughout the week, Donna started talking more and more about her personal life. I absorbed that she had been in a 12-year relationship, which had ended badly recently. Also, when she mentioned her significant other’s name, it sounded like “Lola”, but I couldn’t be sure. It was none of my business, so I didn’t ask.

Looking back, I should have seen the second red flag waving in my face. As Donna continued to share information about her personal life, she became more self-absorbed and interested only in talking about her feelings. I am extremely open about my personal life, but even I don’t make it a point of talking about terrible relationships… and eventually making a point of telling the new girl, “I’m gay.” Now, my in naiveté, I jumped at the chance to divulge my bisexuality, figuring that I could benefit from the friendship of a like-minded woman. When I admitted I was bi, she raised her eyebrows and returned to talking about her relationship, so I figured there had been no harm done.

I was wrong. In the following days, Donna became increasingly more attached to me. By Thursday, she made it a point to take a walk with me on breaks, as I had decided to do, instead of standing and smoking with Kali. On our first walk together around the vast parking lot, she grabbed me by the arm suddenly and gruffly put her arm around my shoulders. I was uncomfortable, but shocked, and unsure of what to do, so I did nothing. I was relieved when she took her arm back, but figured it had been a one-time occurrence. I was more worried that coworkers would see her gesture and rumors that “the new girl is gay!” would fly around the office, since Donna was so open about being gay herself. Luckily, no one saw (that I was aware of), and so I forgot about it.

On Friday afternoon, as our first week of training neared an end, Donna began asking myself and Kali if we had plans for the weekend. Kali was going to hang out with her roommate at Bastille Days (a French festival in the area) and I was going to a church festival that specialized in Greek food. “That sounds interesting,” Donna said to me. Again, my instinct to reach out to new people and make friends took over, and I heard myself saying, “I’m going with my boyfriend. If you want to go, you can hang out with us.” Before I knew it, I had a second date for that evening.

On the way to the festival, I told my boyfriend about Donna, preparing him for the night ahead, since he was already under duress since he doesn’t enjoy Greek food. I figured he should know that Donna was gay, and I began to tell him how she had made a point of telling me about her personal life. My boyfriend is the best judge of character I’ve ever met, and informed me that the things I told him about Donna made him uneasy about her. “I’ll bet she’s the one in the office who never stops telling everyone about her personal life,” he predicted. “You’re wrong,” I said, unsure. “I really hope you’re wrong.”

Donna met us at the festival in front of the beer tent. “What do you want,” she asked me. I protested, saying I could purchase my own drinks, but she insisted. “I make way more money than you do,” she reasoned. Having been out of work for two months prior to this job, I found it hard to argue. Donna bought me not one, but five glasses of wine (which, to my credit, were extremely small), and began to give me an overview of who to talk to and who to avoid in the office. Some of her comments were a little derogatory, but I tried to keep a sound mind and not pass judgment until I had a chance to get to know everyone myself.

After her fifth beer, Donna looked at me very seriously, put her arm around me again and roughly pulled me close to her. “You know, I’m looking out for you,” She slurred. “You’re lucky you have me on your side.” I squirmed away from her, muttered a “thanks,” and caught up to my boyfriend, who gave me an “I-told-you-so” look.

After the festival, Donna text messaged me, asking me to call her when I got home safe. I tried to tell myself that it was a nice gesture, but I still dreaded making the phone call when I arrived in my driveway. I kept the conversation short, telling her I was tired and I wanted to go to bed, but I couldn’t help but listen to the nagging voice in my head that this wasn’t over just yet.

Donna continued to text me three more times that evening, each message more indecipherable than the next. It appeared that she had continued drinking and was trying to give me compliments, but I wasn’t sure, so I ignored them and went to bed.

The next day, I received two more text messages from Donna while I was at the gym, thanking me for inviting her. I ignored them and went about my day. About two hours later, she texted me again, this time urgently asking if she had somehow offended me. Again, I ignored the message. The next one came shortly after, saying she had gone with her gut instinct with me and thought I was a “good egg,” but maybe she was wrong. I finally replied to her, saying she didn’t have to worry, I was just busy. Finally the messages stopped. But I already knew I had unleashed a monster.

The next day, I received more text messages, asking how my Saturday night was and asking what kind of coffee she should bring me for Monday’s training session. I had worked out a coffee trade-off with her earlier, where she would get me coffee in the morning since she was already stopping, and I wouldn’t have to go out of my way, so I replied with regards to the coffee.

Monday morning, coffee was waiting for me on my desk when I arrived at training. Donna, however, wasn’t there. When she arrived, she stomped into the room more forcibly than usual and didn’t say a word to Kali or I. Figuring that perhaps she had finally gotten the message to leave me alone, I didn’t ask her what was wrong. Kali set us to work creating a Mind Map, where we were supposed to work together drawing pictures of what we had learned on the board and left the room. I got to work immediately, but Donna sat in her seat and stared at me, making me extremely uncomfortable and nervous. I kept my conversation to the task at hand, but she only grunted in response and refused to work as a team, so I continued my drawings on my own.

As the day progressed, the tension in the room mounted. Donna was unresponsive to Kali as she tried to instruct us, making Kali upset, and encouraging her to ask Donna repeatedly “What’s wrong.” Donna only replied that she had been missing out on sleep and frequently left the room without warning. Kali took to ignoring her, and so did I.

When I went to my car for lunch, I noticed that although I parked in the same spot as usual, two spots away from other cars to keep them from dinging my brand new doors, there was a champagne 4-door sedan parked right next to mine. I figured it was a student, and when I returned from lunch, parked two spots away from it and thought nothing of it.

The last half of the day was so strange, I hesitate to try to explain it. Donna left abruptly, and Kali decided to keep teaching, which I was grateful for. When Donna returned about a half hour later, she explained that she had been in a meeting and was now smiling and cracking jokes. Kali and I were both shocked by the sudden change in attitude, but said nothing. She continued to laugh and joke right up to the end of class, when she chattered happily out the door. She, Kali and I walked to the front doors, and Donna held the door open for me. Kali went another direction, and Donna (again!) grabbed me and put her arm around me, asking me what I was doing that evening. I hesitated to answer, so she asked “Isn’t your boyfriend out of town this week?” I cursed him for mentioning that to her the previous Friday at the festival and made a mental note to yell at him for it. I had no choice but to admit that he was gone.

“Wanna go for a walk on the beach?” She asked me as I reached my car. I kept waiting for her to go the other direction to where she usually parked, but as she leaned up against the car next to mine, I realized it was the same champagne 4-door sedan that had parked next to me when I had left for lunch. I knew I had moved away from it, and here she was, leaning on it, claiming it as her own. I began to panic.

“No thanks, I think I’m going to stay home tonight. I’ve got a cold.” I said, hoping she’d buy it since I truly did have a cold.

“You know, it’s tradition. Thursday all the counselors get together and study for the exam on Friday.” This was bullshit. I had spoken with other counselors, some of whom had gone through training alone. There was no group study tradition.

“Oh… yeah. Well I don’t know. Maybe if you wanted to grab coffee over lunch…” I trailed off, angry at myself for never having the balls to tell people no.

“No. I’ll make you dinner.”

“Donna, you don’t have to do that.” I was now sitting in my car with the window open, keys in the ignition. I couldn’t give her any more non-verbal signals that I wanted to get the hell out of there.

“I want to make somebody dinner.” It was half a whine, half a command.

“Uh. Ask me again on Thursday.” I said, and started the car. “I’ve gotta go to the post office.” I drove away, frantically reaching for my cell so I could call my boyfriend and tell him about my awful day with the lesbian.

I’ll spare you the details of the call, since that’s inconsequential, and dive right into today’s drama. Since I’m already at four pages, I’ll try to make it short, because I know how reading page upon page of complaints can be draining. This morning was much the same as yesterday, only with the added bonus that Donna tried to follow me out of the building at every break opportunity.

The first time, I grabbed my cell phone, dialed a friend and started walking a different way than I normally take, through the business park instead of to the parking lot. I even left through a side door so she wouldn’t see me. On the way back, however, she came out the side door and glared at me as I approached (I had no other route options), smoking a cigarette. I acted so absorbed in my conversation that I didn’t have time for her, and gave a very small wave as I walked by. She turned and stared at me as I passed, and followed me into the building until I turned down a wrong hallway, still talking on my phone.

The second time was for lunch. She exited before me, but since I hadn’t seen her leave, I wasn’t sure if she had stopped in the bathroom like she usually does, or if she had gone straight out the doors. I took a chance and be lined for the door, since I heard the water running in the bathroom as I passed. I made it to the front doors, looked out and saw Donna slowly moving toward her car. Which, again, was parked next to mine. She stopped and looked over her shoulder as she got to her car, and I’m sure she saw me looking out at her from the all-glass doors. I jumped back, grabbed my phone and called my boyfriend, so I wouldn’t look like a freak standing by the doors.

“What are you doing,” he asked me.

“Staring out the doors, waiting for Donna to leave so I don’t run into her.”

He erupted in laughter, “That bad, hua?”

“Yes! She won’t leave me alone!”

At the third break, she made a point of waiting for me to leave the room first, which I tried to postpone, but finally decided I couldn’t stay any longer since Kali was waiting for us to leave. I took my phone and listened to a voicemail as I walked quickly down the hall. Donna followed me. I made a quick phone call to my CPA who had called, and upon hearing the business-like tone in my voice, Donna turned and went a different way. I spent the rest of the break hiding in the vending machine room.

The worst part was when Kali decided to leave the room to pick up some papers she had forgotten. Before the door even shut, Donna was pestering me. She hissed my name until I looked at her. “What.” I said blankly.

“I owe you an apology.”

“For what.” I kept my tone even, my eyes cold.

“I think you’re a great asset to this university and I think the management team made a great find with you, and I don’t want you to have this looming over your head.”

“Okay, I don’t see why you’re apologizing.” I was getting irritated.

“I feel like you’re avoiding me.”

“Yeah, I am. Because I don’t know what your intentions are here, but I feel like you’ve been coming on way too strong, and I really want to keep this on a professional level. And maybe I shouldn’t avoid you, but I don’t deal with conflict well, so…” I trailed off, realizing that I had admitted a weakness instead of holding my ground. Thankfully Kali came back in and the conversation stopped.

But Donna didn’t quit there. Kali began asking her what was wrong, and Donna began making comments about wanting “a rewind button on life” so she could fix the things she had done wrong, and making Kali use her laptop (we didn’t have computers) to look up the meanings of words that had to do with being sorry and screwing up under the pretext that she was going to use those words for a presentation. I tuned her out and continued to work on my own project.

Finally, at the end of the day, I bolted out the side doors and went to where I had moved my car after lunch- in the back of the building, where the executives park. I had to hike up a hill around the building where there was no sidewalk since I didn’t have an authorization pass to go out the correct door, but I figured it was worth it, when I saw Donna pulling past in her car, and I knew she saw that I had taken extra steps to avoid her.

So, my dear readers, if you have made it to the end of my story, I have to ask you what you would do in my situation. Keep in mind that Donna has been with the company for seven years and is very good friends with the Director, who is the person I would go to if I were to report her behavior. I’m at a loss for options. My boyfriend says I should confront her, but I wonder if that would add fuel to the fire. Any suggestions? Thanks in advance. I will keep you all posted with the new developments.

Do Like The Penguins Do!

Hello everyone. This is my first blog post here, and I hope to be contributing much more often from now on. I was inspired to begin writing after reading an article I found about the habits of bisexual animals in the wild, and I’d like to share with you some of my thoughts. If you’d prefer to skip my opinions and jump straight to the article, you can do so by visiting: http://www.sciam.com/article.cfm?id=bisexual-species

I am an avid fan of Kinsey’s theory that the vast majority of people are not only “straight” or “gay”, but fall somewhere in the middle. Alfred Kinsey, if you’re not familiar with his work, was a biologist and professor of entomology and zoology, who founded the Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University in 1947 (source: Wikipedia). The movie which bears his name introduced me to his great works in the field of human sexuality, and his somewhat unorthodox practices. He broke new ground at a time when the general public was afraid to speak about sex, much less homosexuality or bisexuality. We have him to thank for opening the doors of discussion on these topics and for developing the Kinsey Scale, which measures sexual orientation, with 0 being extremely heterosexual and 6 being extremely homosexual. Through his interviews with hundreds and thousands of randomly selected participants, he discovered that most people are somewhere in the middle.

Unfortunately, upon publishing this information about homosexuality, Kinsey was labeled a freak and many discredited his earlier works. Since the time of his discovery, many researchers have been trying to prove that homosexuality is a genetic disposition, which would help to eliminate the stigma of being “gay.” Much of the research focuses on animals, and how they behave in the wild without any social boundaries to prevent them from coupling with the partner of their choice.

It’s not new information that animals in the wild will couple with their same-sex counterparts; what’s interesting is the article puts some emphasis on how some animals will choose a same-sex partner for differing reasons—whether they be for relieving social tension, to protect their young, or just because it’s fun!

It is noted that animals in the wild cannot be grouped into either “gay” or “straight” classifications because they do not shun encounters of the same sex after coupling with a member of the opposite sex, or vice-versa. Sociologist Eric Anderson, of the University of Bath in England is quoted as saying that “Animals don’t do sexual identity. They just do sex.”

In early studies, the article explains, scientists treated homosexual animals as abnormal and “treated” them by castration or lobotomy. These practices were not uncommon in some of the darker corners of our own human history.

Evolution, too, has had its hand in shaping the genitals of female Bonobos, who rub their genitals together so often that scientists theorize that their clitorises have favored a position that provides the most pleasure. We all know how monkeys are considered to have 90% of their DNA matching that of a human’s. Makes me question if our clitorises are placed in front, away from the penis, for the same reason.

Another interesting fact to note, some scientists have observed that the more homosexual acts occur within a community of animals, the more peaceable they are as a whole. This is because many animals stimulate each other to appease the dominant male, for instance, or to keep an upset mother from taking revenge for upsetting a baby. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t feel like fighting with anyone after I’ve had a good orgasm.

The article goes on to explore other couplings between animals, including female Koalas in captivity, who will act like a male and copulate with as many as four partners at once. Scientists speculated that these couplings may have occurred as a result of stress from a lack of male partners. Again, we see these same behaviors with humans. Just take one good look at the Navy, or at sports teams. The article also explores these avenues later.

“We should be calling humans bisexual because this idea of exclusive homosexuality is not accurate of people,”[One scientist said.] “Homosexuality is mixed in with heterosexuality across cultures and history.”

Which causes me to question the social constrictions put upon humans in the first place. As a history minor, I am well aware that throughout literature and historical documents, there are the telltale signs (and sometimes the more obvious admissions) that same-sex relationships and couplings did occur. How is it, then, that we allowed ourselves to be restricted by social boundaries from something that appears to be natural for all animals? I won’t make assumptions on who or what put those boundaries there (because I have a few theories that will most likely offend the most religious members of this site), but I want all of us to ask ourselves what walls (actual or theoretical) will crumble if bisexuality was suddenly forced into popular culture.

Open your minds, think about it J

“All Knowledge Is Worth Having”