Hotel Bliss Guest Blog

Natural Beauty: Hair Series - The first step to healthy hair!

I have a confession. Until relatively recently, I have been absolutely murderous on my hair. Anything you shouldn’t do to your hair, I did on a regular basis. Blow drying, curling irons, ponytails, coloring, over washing, over brushing… Guilty. I did it because I could. I was blessed with naturally very healthy hair, and it seemed indestructible.

That is until awhile back when decided to take accutane for my acne. Accutane is a very powerful drug. While I still do not regret taking it, even on my low dosage there were some side effects that I wish I had been better prepared for. Namely how severely it weakened my hair. What had once been full and lustrous and smooth, soon became thin, dry and fragile. In a matter of a few months, I didn’t even recognize the hair that was on my head. I didn’t know what to do with it. It had become so weak, I was afraid to do anything with it for fear it would fall out entirely!

I had to retrain myself to work with my hair. I began looking into natural products to help get back the healthy hair I once had. Thankfully I found some amazing natural treatments that slowly but surely got me back to where I started. In the next few blogs I’d like to share how you can naturally begin to repair damaged hair, or add extra umph to already luscious locks.

The first place to start is with the right tools

As I struggled to get my healthy hair back, I used all the tricks I could think of. Reduced washing, gentler natural shampoos, hair masks, scalp oils. And all of it definitely helped, but after months of trying, it seemed I had reached the plateau of my repairs, with hair that still didn’t look entirely healthy. I comment about this to one of my friends and she told me how much healthier her hair was after her stylist convinced her to buy a wooden comb. I figured it couldn’t hurt, so I began to look into it.

As I said, I never gave much thought to what I did to my hair before. That meant most of my tools like brushes and combs were cheap plastic. For all my efforts to repair my hair, the tools I used on a daily basis were undoing some of my progress. I quickly learned what a difference the right tools can make. The best thing I ever did was buy a good wooden comb and a natural bristle brush.

You see, plastic combs have seams along the teeth. These are caused when the two sides of the mold are pressed together and released. The seams may look miniscule and harmless, but it’s like running a razor blade across each hair strand. They rip and tear at the shafts, and can leave you with damaged hair.

Wooden combs are seamless and much gentler on your hair. They are especially helpful if your hair is weak, thin or fragile. These combs can come in almost all the same shapes and sizes of plastic and metal combs, so it’s easy to find one suitable for you. I have very fine hair, so I can use a thinner tooth comb, but thick coarse hair will do best with wide tooth combs.

As for brushes, I now use a natural boar bristle brush. It gently spreads sebum from the scalp throughout the hair as you brush. This gives your hair a protective layer and keeps your hair shiny and smooth. The first time I used this brush, I flipped my hair upside down, brushed, then flipped back up. My hair instantly looked and felt fuller than it ever had when I did this trick with my other brush. And it left my hair so soft!

(Vegans may be wary of boar bristle brushes, as it is indeed hair from boars. You can use synthetic nylon brushes, but they may be damaging to thin hair.)

Boar bristle brushes may not come in all the shapes you use to style your hair, but you will find them for most. Also, I have noticed that if I’m using mine to style my hair with a blow dryer, my hair has much more static, so I do use my older brush for this. But since I use my dryer less often and use my natural brush on a regular basis, I find it hasn’t been a problem.

Finding the right tools

You can easily find natural combs and brushes. You can look online for several options, or take a visit to your hair salon or a department store. Just make sure the brush is 100% natural (they often are a combination of nylon and boar bristle). You can easily pay upwards of $100 for a good brush and comb set, but I don’t think that is necessary. I got mine from a Target. The bristle brush and wooden comb together cost less than $30. You can also find some very pretty wooden combs, which I’ve found to be excellent gifts!

Hope you’ve found this helpful. In the next blog I’ll share the hair mask recipe that I attribute to saving my hair!

Chit Chattin’ in the Hotel Bliss Laundry Room

Aloha Ladies,

I am thrilled to announce the newest addition to Hotel Bliss…drumroll….
The Laundry Room!

Myself and the lovely Miss Shocka designed and built a beautiful room for us ladies to chat! I wanna say thank you to the brilliant Shocka who took my Photoshop documented rough draft and ran with it. Perfecto! And I don’t use that word loosely, do I Bliss?

I started noticing that there were many of us online at the same time. I thought how nice it would be to talk in real time! Maybe get to know some of you a little more personally?! Now we can do just that from the privacy of our Hotel Bliss!

How, you ask? Just like this…

1. From your ‘Home’ page click on ‘chat in the laundry room’ under ‘post on the guest blog’
2. You may have to download the chat tool. You may not! I didn’t have to.
3. Login with whatever username you want!
4. You’re in! Start typing away in the bottom shaded box, to the left of send.
5. You can use the ‘return’ button on your keyboard for ’send’ as well.

Another fun option is a private chat. You can do that by double clicking on the girl’s name whom you wanna privately chat with in the right hand column.
A pop out chat box will happen and you’re off!

Wanna navigate away from the chat room, but not miss any messages? Click the ‘float and dock’ button on the bottom menu to the right of the speaker button and the left of the question mark button. This makes the chat box pop out of your browser and live in separate window. So now you can cruise around the net and have your conversation in a nice tidy box wherever you like.

Wanna make a ‘crack the whip’ sound and hear it? First click on the speaker button to allow sound. Next, click on the music note and double click on one of the sound effects. Press send, and there it is! Hear it? coooool.

My hopes are, as the Hotel grows, we can host events. Maybe q&a with authors and artisans? Lots of possibilities here. Wanna get to know that foxy girl whose photos you have been drooling over in the Penthouse? Make a date with her in the Laundry Room! Could be fun!

Let me know what you think ladies. Any suggestions? Questions? Just send me an email. I’m on everyday and LOVE/ need the feedback.

xoxoxox,
Jungle Jane

Just Want To Put Something Out Into the Universe

When growing up my childhood, to say the least was non-existent. I suffered much sexual, physical, emotional abuse and neglect. A lot had to do with the lack of parenting skills by my mother. Mind you I am not one of those people who blame her. I wouldn’t trade my hardships for the world. I have gained a lot of knowledge and helped others with it. I work really hard to heal though wounds almost daily. But something happened last night that made so much of it all just disappear…..

My mother called last night. We started the conversation with the normal miss you’s and I love you’s.

Then she said, “I wish I could go back in time to like when you were ten.”

I responded, “I wouldn’t want that, I put you through so much and went through so much”

“I just wish I would have been a better mother to you” (mom)

“You have been a wonderful mother in so many ways.” (me)

“No, I wasn’t and I just want you to know that if I could go back in time, I would give you the world. You deserve it.” (mom)

Needless to say hearing it, and typing it now brings me to such a joyful, healing, beautiful, crying place. I’ve never felt more proud or more love for my mother!

if you all think you have limited options…

i have had to do alot of driving around in the last two days–out to the landfill on the moon–up to the mountain and crested butte–into town a bunch–was thinking of the blogs, bulletins and thoughts people have been sharing about how to hook up..when to hook up…troubles with finding a hook up and all the above and more more more thinking—because if y’all got it rough finding bi’s and/or happy open couple out in urban sprawl–oh good grief what will happen to me here in the boonie boons–where the ration is like 8 men for every chick–in 1990 that sounded fun and funny and i arrived with a man **(which–here is a funny sideline to the story–ron and i moved to crested butte –after living together a year plus –back in 1990–we were just living together at the time–everyone laughed and said “y’all are doomed–everyone who moves here together breaks up—” WELL it took me and ron to get engaged in 92 then married inn 94 all in cb–left cb in 98 and did a southeastern stint–just to move back to the same valley–in gunni instead of exactly cb–but still participating back in cb when our divorce came to pass–and now i will be starting over in cb–divorced but i like to say single–and acknowledging being bi–all back up where they told me i shoulda never moved with a man–ha ha ha)**** i find this a fascintaing part of my life and my story and how life circles around and around on itself and you end up where you truly belong over and over again where ever you are or whwerebver that is?!

soooooooooo BACK to where was i…thinking about hook ups–i had my first after divorce hook up 6 weeks ago–it was with a MAN–many people were wondering who i would go for first–male or female–i was surprised by some of the people who want to know nothing about my sexuality usually but wanted to know “which way did you go?!” (well to be honest i went with the first person who turned me on hen i was drunk and free enough to go with it after all these years–pretty much the first guy who tried scored–ha h–but it was good–the universe gave me perfect what i needed ) i think people wondered because ultimately while my divorce happened for soooooo many reasons–there was a monet of crux/crisis/explosion when it turned out my (now ex) hubby could only cheat on me with other women–he couldn’t have a love affair with another woman with me–he got too jealous?! so my ultimately me having a girlfriend broke us up—said girlfriend and i also broke up–she lives out of state anyway–and now my first fling is said and done–and it was good in showing me contrast after 20 years what a different man may be like and perhaps even what was missing with the ex who i thought i had crazy abundant hot sex with–and yet–something happened to me when touched first by girls–and now also by a different man–leading me to know much more about the TOUCH and stuff…and what i want to look out for–

i slept cuddled up and all over the guy i fucked that one night–it was awesome good night and fun sex and i found it wasn’t as scary as i thought it was going to be to be myself with a new man after 20 years–but yeah–i slept all around him and all around me and HOLY SHIT Y”ALL–i never used to ever sleep cuddled with my ex–in fact that was a problem during 20 years–but i didn’t get that it was a problem?! and it was one for him too–but i realize now i was lulled into thinking it WAS MY PROBLEM (just like i spent 40 years no 39 years of my life–i started the healing processes at 39–until then i thought EVERYTHING was MY FAULT MY WRONG MY PROBLEM)–and writing this blog is great like cheap therapy–i slept cuddled up with my girlfriend and all curled up with her too and i even sleep that way with my dogs…GOD! GOOD THING I GOT A DIVORCE!!

so this first crush after the hubby and girlfriend was hard but so good since it taught me i can have the next new feelings and the next new everything and i want it all–the man and the woman and the wahoo and i have no idea where i stand with jealousy as i never got realy jealous and/or competitive in my whole life–been more of a giver share-er but also more of a doormat–i don’t want to be a doormat anymore and i dshine a light on the vampires that come around me now and try to not let them in anymore–no more eenergy/blood/life suckers–okay–so –so so–

so crush-a-roo is gone—leaving behind gangs of males in his wake–all of who i know in weird ways just like i knew him once i woke up–which took days–when you have had no sex and finally get some and it is good–i found you can truly fuck your brains out and it takes weeks for memory cells to fall back into place–to wake up–to remind you what and who you know–he and i have the crazierst of connections–i am lucky he wasn’t one of the other assholes in his bunch to be honest–ha ha ha–so YEAH DILEMMA–off he moves to hawaii–no i got the 8 to1 ratio still going for me–but let me tell you–these are men scared of women–they are the kind of guys in their 40s still living where the boys are and the girls ARE NOT?! in fact even the crush had got dumped by a woman he inported from his past–she couldn’t take the man-life of crested butte–AND THIS IS WHAT I AM GETTING AT–i do “get the man life” here–in fact–if crushy hadn’t moved he coulda been a good match–cuz i do get how to be that kind of girl–and i kinda like it–for me it is lots of freedom to do my own thing and also lots of time supporting dudes or dudettes who are busy being more athletic than i want to be–i love being homey home girl–doing my own thing–and get to to cook enetertain and have sex–so i don’t need the man with me 24-7 —my ex loved that freedom and loved that i gave him no rules–he just did not afford me the same carefree rules or life–somehow he had two sets of rules for us–yet i digress—that is my old story–BACK TO THE DILEMMA—which is gonna be lack of females–lack of bi-females–will be really really hard to figure that out with the whole town watching–and i already have told people–the other day–sitting in the sun shooting the shit with an old time guy friend–knew him 20 years–it came out me being BI and he shot out of his chair–apparently for a new beer and did not speak to me anymore the rest of the day but leered at me from weird corners. i DID tell my first crush the truth of my BI-ness and break up of my marriage and he liked me still and didn’t act weirdly–so going for that with next crush boy or girl!! total honesty!! don’t want a guy who gets freaky jealous like my ex or like the guy who married my girlfriend who she isn’t being honest with (the guy hooked and controlled HER by using her fear of the word lesbian against her–when he would catch her flirting with me or anything at all attention he wasn’t getting –she and i were playing not girlfriends at the time–even though it still shone through–but he decided i was a perv he would yell at her and call her a lesbian and “what team are you batting for” all abusive and i almost hit him a few times when he got in my face–but he was military and i AM GETTING SMARTER at not trying to get in physical confrontations with men–but she was scared of all that and scared of what her granny and parents think–so now she married to a guy with two exes 3 step kids–both chicks dumped him–why why marry that?! back to just have some sex! ha ha ha)

BUT I AM GOING WHERE EVERYTHING IS SMALL–no urban sprawl y’all–no bars to hide in or spy from–it is small town and home sweet home–but man–i am scared–of lack of opportunity?? or stupid bad opportunities or or or?! do you know what i mean?! even when i walked in a bar one saturday in the middle of the day with the crush–oh god–i got my head bitten off “what are you doing with HIM?!” and had to hear a rant or two–and thats how it is here–i may have moved away for awhile–but more or less i known most of these people since 1990–which is why it is home–but also why i look around and know something about something about something about everyone–and they know it about me too–they all know about my hook up ya know?! and everyone had an opinion–which in some ways makes it so good my first one could come and go in 6 weeks–but yet…still….and it played out not so good–he and i both looked like assholes from both sides too–just for pretty start to my new life–ha ha ha ha–

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo when any of you are lonely…feeling blue…wondering how you will hook up…imagine me out here really looking for a MIRACLE and MAGIC to show up–i think 1600 people maybe live inCB? maybe 2000? i don’t know how many in gunni–beeen in rural gunni too–on 15 lonely acres–so at least will be back around people–

what a ramble…..

Asking for Recommendations…

But there is no one that I’m comfortable talking to or looking at it around right now… I will probably get my boyfriend to read it at some point, but I sort of wanted it to be my own thing right now… So will you ladies help me, please? Recommendations are very welcome…..

My thought right now is to post w4mw under platonic, and also in w4w… very few women post in w4w, there seems to be more w4w in platonic that are actually curious about dating.. but here is my rough draft:

Bisexual, but mostly experience with guys. I find it hard to hit on women and timing was bad a few times so that a relationship wasn’t possible. I have more guy friends than girls, and semi-new to the area.

In open relationship with my boyfriend, exploring polyamory.. communicating is key in making dating multiple people work. I am more than willing to discuss this, since it is misunderstood and its easier than trying to explain it all… if you want to know, please ask… I chicken out from hitting on anyone oftentimes because I don’t want to mislead them.

Love to read, learn, be artsy, dye hair, etc. I read blogs on how to be green, thifty, and organize your house. I’m somewhat dorky and enjoy videogames, the Halos and DDR among my favorites

Looking for friends, down-to-earth, open-minded people… and romantically I’m very interested in women.. I’m pretty sure I’m not really capable of a ‘casual encounter’, I am too curious and not ready to jump in the sack with a stranger… I try to reply to ads, but so far not had anything pan out. I figure if I’m somewhat interested and I don’t reply, its discouraging them from thinking anybody is out there.. I chose to believe that there are people out there and this is one way to meet them.

Peace

In case you can’t tell.. I am probably trying to hard because I’m nervous and want to make a good impression… I want to say as much as possible that they either should know or that I want them to be interested in also.. ::sigh:: I almost wish I didn’t care so much, or that I wasn’t as curious as I am. I do reply to ads, but its been bots or no replies, to platonic or otherwise…

Anyone have a success story to lift my gloom a little? I am on the verge of chickening out of even posting it… which makes me feel very lame. I need to keep the faith, I think… and I have nothing to lose, right?

Here I am, a new Hotel Bliss resident.

Here I am, a new Hotel Bliss resident. I find no one in my area is on here! I would like to meet some friends, but have no idea how to get started. Any friendly advice, ladies??

Thanx bunches,

Miss Mandie Mae

CELEBRATING THE BLOOD–or red lady tales…or hey my auntie is visiting…

SO i was reading where all us girlies getting their “DOT”–one of my favorite funny things it is called–cuz yes–i am “in sync” but also on the pill?! so some of you not on the pill may be sync-ing with moi–ha ha–

but okay–sooooooooo–i don’t know how to type this story–i am actually banned from telling it anymore in front of my friend who was the brother-in-law in this story–he gets sputrtering mad at me for bringing his ex-sister-in-law–and THIS aspect up of her UP…yet i find it FASCINATING and hmmmm….just one of those stories in my life but not even in my life…

okay–so a million eons ago and once upon a time when i lived in gainesville florida–2 of my friends were brothers and one brother married to one of my still best friends in the world–her hubby (bf at the time) introduced us after he met me once and he was right–and even though we have never romanced each other–we probably would given the right circumstance and she definitely helped me open up and acknowledge who i was and am –and that THAT would be a different story or two–so back to the story at hand–i have known these people on 20 years–

so back to once upon a time…when i moved to colorado in 1990, the brother to the couple, a friend of mine…told me “good bye have a great life i will never  leave florida so i probably will never  see you ever again”…well he fell in love with an adventurous woman who you could tell he thought was thr brunette opposite and equal to his brothers wife my friend who is a real blonde and  a scorpio–which IS NUTS (haven’t you noticed that 80% at least scorpios are dark? in all ways–ha ha ha)–anyway she wasn’t to be equlaed or tried that way anyway–she wanted a bud but was not delivered one–this other girl (oh and both artist girls and scorpios–or maybe S was a different water sign…hmmm)–and the S girl COMPETITIVE envious and jealous of being second girl to come into these brothers lives–sooooooooooooo the next thing you know–they were the adventure travel couple and that has at least a whole nother crazy story about when people almost die and the amazing strengths and things you can do in life or death and both brothers have had after life death experiences and lived to tell–i digress again–

i just was trying to tell you–first this girl S–was just a competitive artist type in my world who was in a weird dynamic in her situation to start–well eventually this couple landed way out in the northwest and she changed her name to a one name creative type name and she decided her THING–her celebration–her ART–was her or IS her BLEEDING–this girl became in LOVE IN BLISS IN JOY in celebration of her bleeding to the point that she got a RED TRUNK with ALL RED CLOTHING for wearing during the red time of the month…she began to make her own tampons from her husbands flannel shirts…and she would either paint with these…or she would squeeze them out in her garden (we found out that point–or actually my girlfriend did–as she was drinking beet juice BEET JUICE!! from said garden–which ended up spewed out ACCIDENTALLY i am sure as my friend laughed or choked or she doesn’t even know because she was hearing all this just as you are–in a one blah blah–in person visit back to florida—here is what we do with our life now—

well overtime the RED took over–the guy wasn’t allowed in their bed anymore during her monthly celebration and the trunk of rewd clothes was growing last we heard and she was making art and going to devote a website to teaching young ladies to celebrate their bleeding and she is no longer in their family and had stopped being friends with me long before all this came about–our friendship was short and sweet and i am sure she was probably loving girls–she spied on me when she visited in the early 90s and asked me about napping nude–one of the weirdest questions so it stuck with and i don’t know why–sometimes peoples curiosity comes out funny–

anyway–this was one of those blogs for what it is worth–i find her to be one of a kind and i think good for her–i don’t know about the flannel tampon thing–or the beet juice for sure–ha ha ha–kidding–

ummmmm–i celebrate when i get my period because I LOVE IT CUZ i have no desire to be a mom–i mom’ed my own parnets and family far too long–and momed my ex-hubby probably–and alot of times i suck as a mom to my sweet dogs and cats who seem to love me in more abundance as a single mom than as a married one and wow this blog went alot of ways–

i like all the funny names people call their periods–like “my auntie is visiting”–or “the curse”or “i GOT THE VISITOR” or whatnot–crazy crazy crazy– 

i had a fucked up period most of my life–and had to be on the pill since i was like 11 or 12–

and still i embrace that DOT–hooray–

but i don’t paint with it…nah….

hee hee…is this THIS what y’all meant by celebration–

or are we just gonna drink some margaritas?? c’mon…tell me a story….

hee hee hee

Living with a closed head injury.

At the prompting of the lovely Jungle Jane and Shocka as well as to help exercise my brain I decided to put this down. It will also help explain some of my idiosyncrasies, like why I’m slow to reply in chat.On September 19, 2003 I got up as usual and got ready to go to work. Told the husband to sleep well (he was working nights at this time) gave my four kids their pats and an admonishment to be good for “Daddy” and let him sleep and made my way to the bus stop. I worked downtown at the time and usually went in early to be at work by 6:30am to get a head start on my day. I remember getting to the intersection across from my bus stop then…nothing. The next thing I knew I was seeing what I thought was sunshine through my closed eyelids and thinking “Hell, I gotta get up! I’m gonna be late!” But I was so tired and my limbs felt so heavy it was just easier to drift off to sleep again. The next time I felt that actually waking up was an option, I opened my eyes to find myself in a sterile hospital room with bright lights and my parents were there. I remember my Mom saying, “Quick, Tom get Don! She’s awake!” Then my husband comes into my field of view with a look of anger and concern on his face that truly frightened me. I asked what the hell was going on in a voice I hardly recognized as my own it was so hoarse and raspy.

Turns out as I went to cross that final intersection before my bus stop (with the light in my favor, I might add) I was hit from behind on my left side by a turning car that I never even saw much less heard coming. I was tossed completely across the intersection to lay in oncoming traffic and was almost hit again by another car who fortunately stopped to see what was wrong. How long I laid there before the second car came I have no idea. This unknown good Samaritan called the paramedics and left after they arrived. I wish I had been able to find out who this was so I could thank him/her.

When the paramedics arrived they automatically assumed that since it was so early (5:30am) that I must be drunk or on dugs to be out so early. This despite the fact that I had my state issued work id on a lanyard around my neck. So they decided to strap me to the gurney with the heavy duty restraining belts used for violent patients and took me to the hospital where normally they took those who are incapcitated from drink or drugs or were indigent patients. Once at the hospital still working under the assumption that I was on a controlled substance they did an unauthorized spinal tap to run tests for these substances that I was supposedly on. They also put me on very heavy doses of sedatives due to the fact that I was being violent. Which I wasn’t….I was seeing the hospital lights and mistaking them for sunshine and was trying to get up to go to work. Hence my “violent” thrashings. Once all their “necessary” tests were done some bright person finally decided to check my cell for contact info and finally got a hold of my parents who rushed to the hospital after dispatching a friend to bang on our apartment door and wake my husband up.

Once my family arrived and set the doctors straight that I was not a substance abuser they finally allowed me to fully wake up. There was so much concern over my being on “drugs” that no x-rays, MRIs or anything were done. It took my family going off on the nurses to get them to do an x-ray on my left leg when I complained of it hurting. Nothing was done to see what type of head injuries I may have had. I was outfitted with a leg brace and crutches and sent on my merry way with little to no after care instructions or doctor recommendations for aftercare and or physical therapy. This despite having a concussion, contusions, scrapes, scratches, torn ligaments in my left leg, severe back pain not too mention no clothes due to them being cut off by the paramedics. I left wearing a hospital gown and nothing else.

Once I got back home, my parents and husband told me that when they arrived at the hospital they had to fight to get the restraining belts taken off ( I still have scars today from those) and be taken off all the sedatives they had me on. I still felt terrible both from the original trauma and the drugs the hospital had put me on. It was decided that the next day I would go see my regular doctor and get rechecked and make arrangements for any necessary physical therapy and after care.

The next day at the doctor’s office we find out that our normal insurance would not cover anything and were told to file a claim w/our auto insurance since it was a “car accident”. The auto insurance denied the claim since it was a hit and run. So me being the stubborn person I am I said the hell with it and did my own rehab. I researched my injuries and the best treatment for them. I upped my reading and puzzle solving activities to help my brain recover and the day after being released I was back to my normal routine of walking my dogs ( we didn’t get very far, but we tried) and keeping up with the household chores like cleaning and cooking. I walked up and down the stairs leading to our apartment to help my leg recover. I did lifting and stretching exercises for my back. It hurt like hell and took forever, but I did it. I was also back at work within a week of the accident. Sadly, due to not getting the professional rehab I required I begin to have problems at my job and my back got so bad that I would be forced to lay in bed for days on heavy doses of pain pills. I was finally forced to resign my position at my job and cash out my retirement fund for us to live on. My husband had just gotten laid off and we needed the money badly.

Now almost 5 years later my left leg is back to normal, I still have some back issues and have to be careful when lifting and to not over exert my self. I still suffer tremendous complications from my head injury. When typing my brain is faster than my fingers and I’m constantly having to recheck my spelling and grammar. Simple words are difficult and I keep a dictionary handy. I’m not as able to keep up with a fast moving chatroom and sometimes lose track of the topic/topics being discussed. Simple concepts can be hard to grasp and/or understand. If I over exert myself or get stressed out I have terrible dizzy spells. Naps are a major part of my day as I can’t seem to get on and keep a normal sleep schedule. And forget holding down a “normal” job. The least little bit of stress causes a re-occurrence of the head injury complications and even the nicest employer will have issues with me having to take too much time off no matter the reason.

But all in all I manage to lead a pretty good life with help from my wonderful husband. I’m still able to do most of the activities I used to do before the accident with some modifications. I still read, take long walks, surf the web and take care of my house, husband and pups. I can’t drive due to not knowing when a dizzy spell will happen, but since I did not drive before the accident this is no great loss for me. In hindsight should we have fought harder to get me the medical help I needed? Probably, but we were so tired of fighting, we knew the husband’s job was in jeopardy and he was liable to be laid off at any time and I was running out of paid leave and my HR department was beginning to get nasty as well. We were just tired of all the fighting and paperwork and worrying about finding the money for more co-pays for dr. visits that may or not have been able to help me.

This blog is not intended to garner sympathy for myself. Rather to show that despite the roadblocks thrown in my way I was able overcome a near fatal accident and get on with my life. And for those wondering, no they never did find the driver who hit me. There were no cameras on any of the businesses at that intersection and nothing was open at the time it happened. Well, the grocery store was open, but it is situated so far from the intersection that nobody saw anything. We tried to follow up with the police on a regular basis, but were always brushed off.

So if I’m slow in chat or slow to post responses to a blog or comment I’m most likely rechecking my spelling and grammar or trying to get the old brain to comprehend the signals my eys are sending it. Just have patience with me please, I’ll catch up eventually.

whats it fucking all about OR stay on the sunny side of life??

i have no fucking clue–hanging on by a thread here–i am divorced DIVORCED??! fuck?! i am SINGLE because the “D” word is like you have cooties–like deadly toxic and ugly fugly cooties–even among the people you THOUGHT (I thought–has anyone come up with a good word for the “universal you”–since the word “you” is easy …as is all of us humans taking shit personal like the word YOu–(sigh–long defensive thing when writing–my use of YOU offending others–sigh–and me fucking not giving up EVEN WITH ALL I KNOW HAVE LEARNED AND HEALED–not able to figure out how to never care what others think…or take things personal…damn goal…ha ha ha) i am moving next weekend–it is my first move in the 43 years of my life where my brother, my ex or there was one move with a bike team –seriously–i feel excited for AFTER the move–for the NESTING! the SETTLING! the–no yard? (with 2 dogs and 2 cats and after the last 2 yrs on 15 acres and the 9 years before that on my own private tennesse-idaho 120 acres and now to no acres–an allet entrance–and attached–ATTACHED–and 900 sq ft from 3000–Y’ALL I AM IN AFUCKING PANIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no more doggie door–i have no idea wheteher i have laundry or not–i never supported even one of our pets let alone myself in 20 years–i haven’t rented in 18–i have only lived alone the past 8 months after a 43 year life with others—-i am FREAKING OUT–to say the very least–

and i am fucking LOUD and loving with in with attached walls–and i have barking dogs and fatass 17 pound cats–yes two stinky asses–help–panic–oh god–

and i need some sex–

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

The Wedding

I went to the wedding today. Over the past few days, I thought about the wedding. Who wouldn’t? And I had come to the place where I was just really happy that they are getting married. I wasn’t even thinking about all the benefits my children would reap at this point. It was all just about the happy couple. When I see the two of them together, it really does feel like it was meant to be. I’m involved in a beautiful relationship with the most amazing and understanding man. And every day I marvel at the wonderland that my life has become. So everyone wins in this situation. We’re all so busy being happy that there really isn’t time to fuss about anything. Corny, huh? But it’s true!

I make my polite hellos and exchange hugs as I walk through the house in search of a family member. And I find my sons looking astoundingly handsome next to their father. They are wearing three identical tuxedos and they are just lovely. My ex-husband introduces me to someone and says “This is Polli, my ex-wife. So now I get to just call her my friend”. And I know that everything is going to be just fine. So, I settle in to catch up a bit with the people I haven’t seen and drink a screwdriver or two to pass the time. Surprisingly, I run into a good friend of mine from college. We haven’t seen each other in ages and she really is a kindred spirit. Just as spunky and wild as I can be, and a true hedonist! And we chat and flirt and have a great time until the wedding starts.

My little ones are both ring bearers, and are proudly carrying their pillows next to their dad. And the bride comes down the garden path in a stunning white gown. And she is just so very beautiful. I’m snapping pictures like crazy and just thrilled to be there. And as I watch the ceremony, and the sincerity and conviction in his eyes as he says his vows, I’m reminded of the time when I stood across from that same man. And we spoke those same words, and laughed as the justice of the peace called him by the wrong name. Their formal wedding is a contrast to the white mini-dress and 6 guests at my wedding. And as I watched, all I could think was that we were so young. We had no idea who we were or what we were promising. We fumbled around and played at being a married couple. But we made so many mistakes. We’re just lucky to have two beautiful boys to show for our time together. I really feel like our marriage was the dress rehearsal. We were each learning how to be one half of a loving pair. And it prepared us each for the wonderful relationships we get to have now. Seeing them hold hands and kiss and cheering them as they proceeded off to the reception was one of the true and pure joys of my day.

I went to find the bride. And we kissed and cried and as I hugged her, I whispered “Blessed Be” in her ear. And we just stood there and gushed at each other, grinning from ear to ear with happy tears running down our cheeks. My ex pulled me aside to tell me that he’s really glad that I’m the mother of his children. And my old college girlfriend chimed in with “She’s the mother of Becky’s children too!” And we all laughed and hugged and dabbed the tears some more.

I went there worried that my presence would upset people, or that they would pity me or show some other upsetting disdain. And I will say that there was more than one raised eyebrow today. And I got to relish the surprise and the shock and just not care. Because the people who mattered. . .the core of people who were a part of our marriage and divorce, were surprised, but in a good way. And each one of them took me aside at some point to let me know that they were so pleased that I made it to the party. I loved being notable without detracting at all from the most important couple. And look at this. . .

Isn’t that the look of love! It is so good to see two people who matter to me so happy together.

So, all is rosy in my world! My old college friend gave me her number with a saucy wink and a promise to “get to know each other again”! And in one week, I’ll be in Valdosta getting the house ready for my pilot’s return from Africa! I’m all but twitching from the excitement of just thinking about seeing him again and the wonderful mischief we’ll dream up! Oh, and the kisses. . .mmmm

~nuff said
Dirty Gurrrl